The Russian Calls

March 31, 2021 - Facebook Post

I've been trying to "rise above it all" and not say anything. But let's start with this: Fed is out of jail. Fine. I was proud of how well I handled knowing that he spends each day on the streets. This happened on Friday.

Where I am struggling and now feeling the fear creep back in is that I was barraged by hackers again last week. Then I received a call from Russia on Friday, the day he got out...likely because of another dark web posting coinciding with the call-to-hacking.

Agent K popped in late last night. She was in the expected mode of celebrating his likely misery. But then she said he had the Russian call me because "he is acting out like a 3 year old."

This has in turn sent me down the path of realization that they (the feds) are again in "wait and see what he does" treatment, as before trial. In other words, there will be no help, only watching and waiting for him to do something to me.

Okay, fine. I'm well acquainted with being "bait." But yesterday I was celebrating having health and dental insurance again, something I have not had in years upon years. I can finally afford it...the same amount as a typical apartment rent. I set up my oral surgery. I'm vaccinated fully as of April 22. I've raised my credit to a good score from absolute zero, non-existent person level. I've accepted I can't eat foods I like, possibly ever again. I'm setting myself up financially in a way I've not been able to in over a decade, if ever. I'm looking forward to a road trip, if the restitution ever comes [In 2025, it still hasn’t]. I have a ton going in my favor.

So, again I have to figure out how to live knowing there are scary people available to do his bidding. They are actively trying to hurt me already.

If I change SSNs, I lose my health insurance, dental insurance, prescriptions, credit I've worked to heal, all accounts, car, ability to rent a great apartment, everything. I've worked so hard to fix all of it and get back on top.

It is just too much.

I mean, Russians are scary. I accidentally took on a client in the Russian mafia in the early 2000s. They are super cold and threatening. I kicked ass and conquered for that client and made him a ton of money and he didn't pay. When I talked to him about it in person, the threats were real. So I know how these people operate.

Agent K's words are not just what they seem to be at the surface. She basically 1) acknowledged the Russian caller was a legit connection to Fed, and 2) acknowledged I'm on my own. She then tried to divert my attention by assuring me that the next woman he connects with (possibly his current girlfriend) will call police on him because he cannot operate normally and causes real pain just by being present at all, even when he is not physically present. He cannot help himself.

So I'm on my own and Russian(s) may or may not already be involved.

I could do the NC thing where the government cloaks your location so you can live "normally." But that is a temporary fix. If I want to buy a house -- which I do -- that program ends. I won't be able to work outside of my own efforts as a business owner...they already have my social security number posted everywhere.

But I think I'm just going to risk it all to hang onto what is mine. I'm aware of the threat. I'm aware it will always follow me. I'm aware I may be "taken" and that will be extremely painful, if I am. He is the lengthy-torture-and-video-of-everything type. But when I see my name on a health insurance card and car registration and eventually a home mortgage, I'm so proud to just be here and able to do these things.

I don't want to have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. I will have to. But if I change everything about myself, I will wear a false sense of security and I will put myself at risk with that. I mean, these are skilled and highly trained people, both U.S. fallen law enforcement types and people out to make American money. I really don't think I can out-maneuver them. I can outsmart them, though. Hoods are not typically bright. And I've proven that in a crisis, a la car chase, I keep my cool.

I think it does help me to shut this profile down to work through everything without the triggering I experience here. Facebook is just not a positive place anymore and it triggers the hell out of me. I have too much to focus on, to let anything affect me in a negative way. I may pop in from time to time.

I have a lot of work to do, since I will not be seeking outside employment. So I'm going to do that...

One thing is for sure: I can survive. If anyone can, I know I can. Something may eventually happen. But it may not. Until it does, if anyone can survive, it will be me.

I think it is important to say that it is time for me to accept that I am in this position -- as I have been -- because it is part of the journey I'm supposed to experience. Eventually, I will know why all of this was my destiny. It just is what it is. No matter what, other people are safer now (from him) than they were before. Someone else may still get hurt, but they don't have to do more than make a phone call to get him locked up for the end of his life at the hands of people less prone to act out with him. And if he offends again, the government will not pamper him alone in his own wing.